Kissing dating goodbye is a book written by Joshua Harris that has become quite controversial in the Christian community. The book is a call to reject the modern concept of dating and embrace the idea of courtship as a way of finding a spouse. The book has been praised by some for its emphasis on purity and intentional relationships, while others have criticized its legalism and its discouragement of healthy dating. In this article, we will explore the arguments that Harris makes in his book, and evaluate the impact that it has had on Christian culture.
The Premise of the Book
The main argument of Kissing dating goodbye is that the modern dating culture is flawed and harmful to Christian relationships. Harris argues that dating is focused on self-gratification, rather than the pursuit of a life-long commitment. He also argues that dating leads to heartache and pain, as people are constantly evaluating and rejecting potential partners. Harris suggests that instead of dating, Christians should embrace courtship, which is a more intentional process that focuses on building a relationship with the goal of marriage.
The Problems with Dating
Harris identifies several problems with the modern dating culture. First, he argues that dating is self-centered and focused on immediate gratification. People date to have fun, to satisfy their desires, and to experience new things. This focus on self-gratification leads to a lack of commitment, as people are always looking for something better.
Second, Harris argues that dating is emotionally dangerous. The constant evaluation and rejection of potential partners can lead to heartache and pain. Dating also creates unrealistic expectations, as people are encouraged to find the perfect partner who meets all their needs.
Finally, Harris suggests that dating is spiritually dangerous. It can lead to sexual temptation and compromise, as people are encouraged to engage in physical intimacy before marriage. It can also distract Christians from their relationship with God, as they become focused on finding a partner rather than pursuing their faith.
The Advantages of Courtship
Harris suggests that courtship is a better alternative to dating. Courtship is an intentional process that focuses on building a relationship with the goal of marriage. It involves getting to know someone on a deeper level, sharing values and beliefs, and seeking God's guidance in the relationship.
According to Harris, courtship has several advantages over dating. First, it encourages commitment and intentionality. Couples who are courting are focused on building a life-long relationship, rather than just having fun. This commitment helps to build trust and stability in the relationship.
Second, courtship creates a safe emotional environment. There is no pressure to evaluate or reject potential partners, as the focus is on building a deeper relationship. This emotional safety allows couples to be vulnerable and open with each other, which helps to build intimacy and trust.
Finally, courtship provides a spiritual foundation for the relationship. Couples who are courting are encouraged to seek God's guidance and wisdom in their relationship. This spiritual focus helps to deepen their faith and their relationship with God.
The Criticisms of Kissing Dating Goodbye
Despite the popularity of Kissing dating goodbye, the book has received a fair amount of criticism from both secular and Christian sources. Some of the main criticisms of the book include:
Legalism
One of the main criticisms of Kissing dating goodbye is that it promotes legalism. Some critics argue that the book creates a set of rules and expectations for Christian relationships that are not based on biblical principles. This legalism can create guilt and shame for those who do not follow the guidelines set forth in the book.
Unrealistic Expectations
Another criticism of Kissing dating goodbye is that it promotes unrealistic expectations for marriage. The book suggests that courtship will lead to a perfect marriage, free from any conflict or difficulty. This expectation can create disappointment and disillusionment when couples inevitably face challenges in their marriage.
Gender Roles
Some critics have also argued that Kissing dating goodbye reinforces traditional gender roles in relationships. The book suggests that men should take the lead in relationships, while women should be submissive and passive. This gendered approach can be harmful and limiting for both men and women.
Cynicism about Dating
Finally, some critics have argued that Kissing dating goodbye promotes a cynical view of dating. The book suggests that all dating is self-centered and harmful to Christian relationships. This view ignores the fact that many healthy Christian relationships have been built through traditional dating.
The Impact of Kissing Dating Goodbye
Despite its criticisms, Kissing dating goodbye has had a significant impact on Christian culture. The book has become a cultural touchstone for many Christians, particularly those in conservative circles.
Some of the ways that Kissing dating goodbye has impacted Christian culture include:
Emphasis on Purity
One of the most significant impacts of Kissing dating goodbye has been its emphasis on purity in relationships. The book encourages Christians to avoid physical intimacy before marriage and to prioritize emotional purity in their relationships.
This emphasis on purity has led to the development of purity culture within Christianity. Purity culture emphasizes abstinence before marriage and encourages couples to avoid tempting situations that could lead to sexual sin.
Courtship Movement
Kissing dating goodbye also helped to popularize the courtship movement within Christianity. The courtship movement emphasizes intentional relationships with the goal of marriage.This movement has led to the development of resources and communities for Christians who are interested in courtship. There are now many books, blogs, and conferences dedicated to promoting courtship within the Christian community.
Criticism of Dating Culture
Finally, Kissing dating goodbye has helped to spark a broader conversation about the flaws of modern dating culture. The book encourages Christians to be intentional about their relationships and to reject the idea that dating is the only way to find a spouse.
This criticism of dating culture has led many Christians to reexamine their approach to relationships. Some have embraced courtship or other intentional forms of dating, while others have sought to reform traditional dating practices.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye By Joshua Harris
Kissing dating goodbye is a book that has had a significant impact on Christian culture over the past two decades. The book's emphasis on purity and intentional relationships has helped to popularize the courtship movement within Christianity.However, the book has also been criticized for its legalism, unrealistic expectations, and reinforcement of traditional gender roles. Despite its flaws, Kissing dating goodbye has sparked an important conversation about Christian relationships and the flaws of modern dating culture.
